Category: Personal Growth

There are some words that are thrown around a bit to easily in the business world, words that are easy to say, and hard to live up to.

One of those words is “community,” and a few months back, I talked about how you don’t sell to a community, you support a community. Today, I want to talk about another word: family.

Yesterday was the funeral for my wife’s grandmother, who was 88 years old. More than 100 people attended. While it was an emotion filled day, I had an unusual lens on it. This gathering was the first time that most of my wife’s extensive family met our 4 month old son – so my experience of the day was of endless smiles as people said hello to little Owen.

These smiles made me realize the day is really a celebration of grandma Card’s life – and a reflection on the profound effect she has had on the lives of every one in the room – most of whom wouldn’t exist without her.

She and her husband lived on a farm in New Jersey, and had 11 kids. And from them, came more kids, and then another generation after that. It’s incredible to realize that her legacy grows over time, exponentially as each generation of kids, grandkids, and great grandkids continues to live, prosper and build their own families. Look what came from two people deciding to come together and build something:

A group shot of the 2009 family reunion. 11 children from grandma and grandpa Card, their kids, and their kids’ kids.

At luncheon that followed the funeral services, a long table was setup with items that grandma Card had made and shared over the years:

There were also displays of old photos of grandma Card growing up in the 1920s and 1930s:

It’s incredible to see the faces in these photos and realize that they were taken 80 years ago. Which brings us full circle…

This is my 4 month old son Owen meeting his great grandmother for the first and last time a week ago:

When he looks in her eyes, he is looking back on years he can’t yet fathom. And each day of his future is an homage to her past.

Now, when I look at Owen, I can see the legacy of her life in his eyes: living, breathing, smiling, and beginning.

In my day-to-day life, I spend much of my time thinking about publishing world, and all of this has me considering so many things. It has me realizing what long-term commitment really means – that it is measured in decades, in generations, not in fiscal quarters, or even years. That the goal is not merely to ‘create value,’ but to create a universe that continues to extend itself beyond what the original author could have imagined.

That, the word ‘family,’ used in any context, has a high bar to live up to. And when used in the business world, it is a commitment that extends beyond traditional business boundaries of employees, budgets, organizational structure, product lineups, market segments and target audiences.

That the value of what we are creating in our careers should be measured in more than our titles on a business card, salaries on a paycheck, and a resume on LinkedIn. That what we give, what we create, must be exponential in it’s effect on the world. Something that grows.

Thank you to grandma Card, whose influence continues to grow and shape our world.

-Dan

This has been an incredible year for me, one that welcomed the birth of my son, saw the end of a 10 year tenure at my job, and the launch of my own business.

My life has been about transitions recently, and about refocusing my life during my 37th year. It has been about considering where I want to be at age 47, and 57 and 67, and making decisions accordingly. Decisions about long-term value.

As Thanksgiving comes around this year, I find myself reflecting on my goals and my work. On what I am thankful for. And on those who inspire me.

Last year, I wrote a Thanksgiving post appreciating some 20th century luminaries who are still with us, some in their ninth decade. And these are the people I think about late at night, which is when I am writing this.

I think about what Mickey Rooney has experienced in his many decades. I think about the wisdom that Nelson Mandela can share. I wonder at how they are not just names in Wikipedia, but living breathing souls, those who are experiencing 2010 as much as they experienced 1923.

And they will always be remembered. Their work will speak for itself, and will cast a glow lasting generations. And as I think about these things, there are some questions I pose to myself:

What are we building?

Building that is greater than ourselves.

That will speak to future generations, long after we’ve lost our voices.

That will reflect a deeper truth that goes beyond trends.

That gives and doesn’t merely take.

That creates value beyond money.

That is both simple and multifaceted.

That inspires, creating exponentially more value over time.

That takes a lifetime to build, but a moment to appreciate.

That can’t be measured in quarterly reports.

That both an 8 year old and 80 year old can understand.

Whose value is 100 times greater than the ingredients it took to make it.

That will last long after we are gone.

I consider these questions with regards to my work – what is the body of work that I am creating? How can I move beyond the trap of trading time for money?

As I reflect on my first Thanksgiving as a father – considering what my actions will say to my son in future years, I find myself pushing harder and harder to answer these questions. To no longer put off the hard decisions, the hard risks. I find myself stepping into the unknown more frequently, afraid more of doing what is expected – of doing the safe thing – than of any failure I may meet as I explore new paths. What seemed like the safest route in the past – an expected role with a steady income – now seems like the most dangerous; the one that will have the least affect on the world my son will grow up in.

And mostly, as I talk about these things more and more with friends, I find that those around me are facing these questions in their own way, often quietly. Hoping to explore deeply buried goals, to break out of ruts they’ve fallen into, move closer to their passion. And I simply hope that intention meets with action as they move through their lives. That one day, someone far away from them will reflect on the work they have contributed, and be thankful. Thankful to someone they never met – for what they have given the world.

I had a moving conversation with an 88 year old family member yesterday. She talked about how isolating it is to feel that you can’t truly connect with other generations. As she put it:

“I have a past; they have a future.”

Those words are both chilling and inspiring. And a direct challenge – to take responsibility to shape that future.

-Dan

We hide failure. And that is why we don’t succeed.

Too often in business and our personal lives, we cut off projects, actions, and strategies when they show even the slightest inkling of failing. When we fail at something, we rarely try it again, we run the other direction. You see this happen every day in publishing, media and marketing, in most every facet of business.

I watched “X Games: The Movie” on Netflix over the weekend, and it got me thinking about how we treat failure in the business world, and in our careers.

“I think failure is essential to growth just for the fact that when you fail, you learn what you messed up by doing it, and you go back and make it better.”
– Ricky Carmichael

Travis Pastrana makes the point during the movie that what X Games is about is progress – that unlike other sporting events, it rewards the effort of trying to do something new. Perfection is not the goal, evolution is. As the narrator puts it: “The present is the past. Only the future has currency.”

Is this how your business is run? Is this how you approach your career? Learning by trying, by failing, by trying again? Oftentimes we do the exact opposite, we study what others have done hoping to replicate their success without any of the risk of failure they faced in the process. That is why business books are such big sellers – we will buy anything that mitigates the emotional rollercoaster of actually learning through experience.

• Managers need to reward effort.
• Organizational cultures need to create a system where it is safe to fail.
• We shouldn’t focus on what failed, but rather on what was learned.

Too many businesses are managed by fear. I don’t mean of managers instilling fear in their employees, but of managers being desperately afraid of being one failure away from losing their jobs or missing their bonuses. Of losing social standing in the corporate heirarchy if they are associated with a failed project. One would think that this fear would dissipate as someone progressed in their career, gained experience, credibility and a track record of success. But instead the opposite happens.

As managers reach higher levels of stature, they may feel they have more to lose. Corporations are constantly reorganizing, constantly reducing headcount, constantly trying to decide what expenses are too expensive to maintain. So many people make safe decisions, along expected paths. Anything new often represents risk – potential failure. New ideas are pursued more rarely, and with more caution. They are cut-short at the slightest sign that exponential growth isn’t just around the corner. Lessons from them shared only if it resulted in massive profit.

So we build organizational cultures like we build sports teams – with aggressive drive towards ‘success,’ pretending that there is nothing to be learned from failure. And this ignores so much of how the world works. The fact that even in sports, teams and players spend thousands of hours practicing before they hit the playing field. That there is a huge support system to analyze and learn from failure.

Don’t be afraid to fail. Why? Because when you let that fear determine your decisions, your life becomes full of expected actions. How will that help you do something incredible? How will that push you past boundaries? How will that help you grow?

Thanks!

-Dan