Social media is different things to different people. In the line of work I do, very often writers or creative professionals come to me hoping for social media to be a promotional channel. For instance, they want to use it to sell more books.
I understand why they want that; they believe in their book, and they are seeking ways to connect it with readers. But what I try to do is remind them that social media is a channel to engage with other people in meaningful ways, not just game it for sales.
That, for all of us, social media is an opportunity to share a common interest, enthusiasm, challenge, or hope with others — even those you have never met, and may live thousands of miles away.
Sure, this can align to your book. But it can also connect us in deeper ways.
Over the last few months, there are some posts that friends have shared on Facebook that I couldn’t get out of my head. I kept coming back to them again and again.
Why? Because they were sharing personal moments that were filled with wisdom. Let me share a few of them with you…
Here is my high school friend Darby saying goodbye to his dog:
His statement of “wish we had more time” has honestly made me appreciate my time with my son and wife even more on a day to day basis. It has made me think about the nature of time, and the choices I make every single day.
Here is a photo that my childhood soccer teammate shared remembering his father:
If memory serves, Michael’s father passed away really young. It was a shock when I found out about it back then, and Michael’s post indicates how, all through the years, his father’s memory was always there with him. It reminds me of how those we lose are always with us. That there likely isn’t a day that has gone by where Michael’s thoughts or actions weren’t effected by his father’s memory in some small way.
Here is a photo that my good friend Dave shared honoring his mother who had passed away:
He includes lyrics from Pink Floyd’s song “Wish you were here.” In choosing those lines, it cuts right to the heart of who we are as adults… that we experience the “same old fears,” and that sometimes, only connecting with loved ones can bring us solace.
Years ago, Greg was my boss. He shared this photo recently with his brother, who he lost to an overdose:
It reminds me of the opportunity we have today, right now, to communicate with others. Loved ones, yes, but also with anyone out there in the world.
This is a power you have in this very moment.
Even though Greg is using social media to say something meaningful to his brother who is gone, each of us can use it to reach someone who is very much a part of our daily life right now.
That is a choice.
We grew apart over the years, and then casually connected on Facebook a few years back. It was neat to see updates from him — and experience his life as he shared it.
Last year his posts got more serious. And then earlier this week, he posted this:
He has been dealing with blood cancer for awhile now. He setup a GoFundMe page that was meant to help pay for upcoming medical expenses.
Yesterday, he switched the purpose of the fund:
My goal here is not to make you sad. Tony has been dealing with his situation with grace and elegance, and it is clear that friends and family have been rallying around him to support as best they can.
No, social media doesn’t not always need to be as heavy as the examples I shared above. It can indeed be a thankful moment celebrating a good cup of coffee. I’m not one who bemoans food photos — I always see them as someone who is appreciative and enthusiastic.
My point is this: You have an opportunity every day in what you create, in what you share. How you share your stories, your ideas, your life, with the world.
It can be real. Or it can be fake. Or it can be something in between. All I ask is that you make that choice consciously.
There is no “right” way to use social media. Do what makes sense to you. But don’t just blindly copy what you think are “best practices.”
Use the medium to tell a better story. A more authentic story.
To make a connection that the world wouldn’t have without you.
There have been a lot of articles about how too many people use social media to portray these “perfect” lives. This one talks about how Snapchat has become popular because it encourages you to be who you really are, instead of a curated Instagram feed that needs to be “on brand.”
Jason Kottke shared his own reflections based on this post:
“I wonder if Snapchat’s intimacy is entirely due to the ephemerality and lack of a “fave-based economy”. Blogs, Flickr, Twitter, Vine, and Instagram all started off as places to be yourself, but as they became more mainstream and their communities developed behavioral norms, the output became more crafted and refined. Users flooded in and optimized for what worked best on each platform. Blogs became more newsy and less personal, Flickr shifted toward professional-style photography, Vine got funnier, and Twitter’s users turned toward carefully crafted cultural commentary and link sharing.”
Louis C.K. reminds us that our art and what we share with the world should be a reflection of who we are, not what others expect:
“I think that you make an honest account of who you are and you live with the results. The results will be appropriate to who you are… If you just say the things you believe, and the things you like to say, and that mean something to you — if you stay close to the gut — then everything will work itself out.”
When I look at the photos above of Tony. Of Greg with his brother. Of Michael and his family. Of Dave with his mom. Of Darby saying farewell to his dog. To me, the connecting thread is not “death.” It is a celebration of the most meaningful moments that we can possibly fill our lives with.
What will you celebrate today?
-Dan
Dan, I’ve always thought you were insightful, helping us see through the deep piles that appear on our computers each day to the core of what’s important, what will help us understand and be better, but today’s blog has really touched my heart. It tells me that the writing that I do reflecting on my past will one day find an audience and it reminds me to “just be myself” which, by the way, is the hardest thing I have to do every single day. You’d think it would get easier after all these years, but it is hard to leave that “people pleaser” mentality behind (thanks, Mom–just kidding), and also, the “need to be perfect” (for that one, I blame Dad).
Thank you so much Deborah!
Dan, thank you for sharing these posts. I agree that these are the best ways to truly connect with others in our social media channels, not spamming with sales pitches.
In regards to Tony, I really appreciate you sharing his story and GoFundMe site. I have a medically fragile daughter, and my heart is always with those who are suffering, dying, and struggling in some way. In fact, that has become my “niche” so to speak – finding meaning and purpose in our grief. My prayers are with Tony and his family, and I plan to donate, too.
What a kindhearted and generous act on your part, to share a bit of his journey and needs. It takes incredible humility for Tony to do this and for you to share.
Thank you!
A superb post, Dan. The authentic story-telling emphasis reminded me of Krista Tippett’s last podcast with Kevin Kling. Worth every bit of the time it takes: http://www.onbeing.org/tags/kevin-kling
Thank you for the kind words Shirley, and for the link!
-Dan
I had a recent experience of connecting on social media around both the sadness and the lighter stuff. Last winter I caught a cold that had gained a national reputation for
its nastiness and longevity. It caused me to cancel a speaking
engagement, which had been arranged by relatives, which caused me to believe they’d be furious at me for cancelling. But, they didn’t get mad at all, which caused me to realize that as kids we got into trouble with our dad when we got sick. I wrote about it on FB. FB friends responded with “same with me when I was a kid.” or “I got that cold at Thanksgiving and stayed sick till New Years.” I responded to every response. The epiphany freed me up to go ahead and be sick, guilt-free. Then every day I posted a photo: View From my Sickbed, Day 1. Day 2. Day 3 … A photo of the ceiling fan, a close-up of the Kleenex box, my feet in their comfy socks, the half-closed door to the hallway, a selfie with my comforter up to my eyeballs. FB friends thought it was hysterical. Every day I got dozens of comments. I responded to every comment. When they responded to my response, I responded to that. (by writing something, not just clicking “like.”) The conversation kept growing and going. People I’d never heard from. Friends from around the country. People I didn’t even know. It was shocking how much they cared and how many people are reading my stuff that I’m unaware of. I didn’t know what good would come of this level of engagement, but when you say “get real,” it encourages me to keep going. If nothing else, every time I write, my writing gets better.
Thank you for that story Dawn!
There is perfection in the real, the non-fabricated, the honest, the “hello, this is life”, messages from those we love and those we’ve never met. Another opportunity to wake up and see who we are. Thank you Dan.
Love that — thank you!
It’s incredibly surreal that you posted this, Dan, because the health of both my parents has been failing recently. Even my dog is old – 13 – and has had two stroke-like episodes within the past couple of months. I don’t know how much longer I’ll have with any of them, but I’m preparing myself as much as possible for the end. I believe our time on Earth is just one phase of our lives overall; perhaps just the first phase, before moving onto somewhere else.
Sorry to hear about your parents’ and dog’s health — I hope things get better for them all soon. Thanks for the thoughts here!
-Da
Thank you for these insights, Dan. I’ve been mulling over this issue a lot lately, feeling both excited and vulnerable as i share my writing and my art on FB and Instagram. You always remind me to stay focused on what’s really important.
Thank you Heather!
-Dan