My parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary recently. Today, I want to reflect on what lasts… what it means to commit to creating something. And how, in the process, something is gained that can’t be found in any other way. There are no shortcuts, no hacks, no stand-ins for it.
Here are my parents on their wedding day in 1966:
And here they are celebrating with family last weekend:
Working with writers and creative professionals, I am always thinking about what it means to create something that affects others — that brings joy. What it means to share, and develops deeper meaning over time. I can’t help but feel that…
What lasts is what you create,
Not what you react to.
It is the experiences you share,
And what you attend to each day, with the caring of an artisan.
The good stuff is created, slowly, even as you struggle through the boring parts. When you don’t give up even after you have calculated that there is more to gain by doing so.
As I think about my parents, the 50 years they have been married, and what I can learn from them, I think of this: Be someone who creates. Who shares. Who reaches out.
The thing about a golden wedding anniversary is this: it is easy to celebrate, and difficult to attain. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for them. I think about each year they lived through, each high and low they had to weather together. They helped each other. In thinking about what it was that kept them together through it all, for some reason, I’m reminded of this quote from Mister Rogers:
“If you look for the helpers, you will know that there is hope.”
Creating your work — your writing, your art, your craft — and connecting it to the world, is not just about the act of putting a product out there and publicizing it.
It is about providing a gateway for others — to be someone who is there when they need to experience joy, when they need to learn, when they need a helping hand, and when they simply need to know that there is hope.
What lasts is that inclination to be present for others. To open a gateway for them. To help them through. To create an experience they will never forget.
One day. One year. One decade. One half-century at a time.
Who is the helper in your life?
-Dan
Good morning, Dan! What a lovely way to wake up this morning. It is so endearing to see couples whose marriages have lasted through the ups and downs of life. Thanks for sharing your parents and family with us.
I really loved this quote you shared from Mister Rogers, a childhood fave of mine: “If you look for the helpers, you will know that there is hope.” Isn’t this ever-true in the aftermath of the election? So many have lost hope. I can understand it, but I don’t want to be among those who fear and live that way.
Along these lines, I read a quote yesterday from St. Teresa of Calcutta: “There are many kind people in the world. If you can’t find one, be one.” WOW! It was encouraging and challenging to me at the same time.
Most of my creative work involves the personal relationships I build and maintain. Those relationships inspire me, encourage me, and nudge me when I feel stuck. So often just reaching out and ‘being the one’ kind person makes all the difference. That’s what I choose to do on a daily basis.
Because my youngest daughter was born with a rare craniofacial condition, I have learned what it means to love and accept people for who they are, including their differences. Being around the developmentally disabled was very difficult at first, because it jarred me at the core – of what my prejudices were and what caused my own discomfort. Today, I can be among them and find true joy, because I have learned to encounter others. That is to say, I have learned to get to know them as people and love them for who they are.
Thank you for the kind words, and for sharing this!
I enjoyed this post. My favourite writers have helped me through some of the darkest days of my life by either offering hope through information/teaching or a welcome escape through characters who survive and change and somehow come out the otherside in one piece — hope of a different kind.
Thank you so much for sharing this Lisa!
-Dan
Congratulations to your parents on their 50th wedding anniversary, Dan. My parents marked 50 years in 2009. They truly loved one another and weren’t just stuck together, like many couples. My father passed away this past June, and –
among the many life lessons he taught me – is that family and friends are important. It was always tough for me to make friends because I grew up so shy and introverted. I prefer dogs to people now, but the few friends I have are important to me. Quality really matters in relationships.
Thank you so much for sharing this!
Your parents have creating a lasting marriage that is a gift to their children as well.
Thank you!
Today I had lunch with one of my newsletter subscribers, Richelle. She’s a musician, who’s made several CDs from her early days in an irish folk band, but said that nowadays it’s all about the audience, and not about selling CDs. That when she focuses on the music during a performance she goes home tired, but when she makes a connection with the audience, she goes home energized. This helped me with my disappointment about not selling enough books at my readings. I’m going to remind myself it’s all about the audience.
Richelle also cares for her mother with Altzheimer’s. When
I told her another friend of mine had written a book about that subject, she
was very excited to read it. so on the way home from lunch, I bought her a
copy. This helped me so much because I’ve been jealous of this writer friend. Buying the book as a gift for Richelle, who really needed it cured my jealousy. So
today, my musician friend Richelle is the helper in my life.
Love this! Thank you so much for sharing this story Dawn!
Beautiful! I just read you Writer’s Unboxed blog which brought me here. Thank you for your personal and emotional pitch to stay with the process!
Thank you so much!
The most recent author that helped me through a difficult time is Monica Wood. “The One in a Million Boy” saw me through my husband’s surprise surgery the day before Thanksgiving.
My younger sister and my next-door neighbors made sure we had Thanksgiving dinner.
I love that quote from Mister Rogers. When horrendous things happen and I’m tempted to give up on the human race, I always stop and look for the helpers, and I do, indeed, find hope.
Thanks.
Thank you Christie! I hope your husband has a quick recovery.
-Dan